smile and eat your food!

Who placed my order?  Have you ever felt like you sat down at the restaurant of life and when the waitress came to take your order…you spoke clearly.  You stated that you wanted the baked potato, with the butter AND the sour cream.  You said you also wanted the veggie of the day.  You even let her know that you wanted your steak medium well.  Oh, and don’t forget the Dr. Pepper.  How can one eat without the soothing bubbles of those 23 flavors? 

In anticipation you waited, while nibbling on hard bread and butter, your order comes out.  At first glance, it looks to be what you asked for.  I mean, it’s the same young lady who took your order.  There is a steak, and a potato and a vegetable.  You thank her and then you begin to look closer at your food.  The steak, as you cut into it, has red blood oozing out of the middle.  The baked potato has NO butter and NO sour cream.  There is a vegetable, some mix of green, orange and yellow to make everything look so presentable. But, it's wrong.

Trying to get your waitresses attention seems impossible, after a few trys you give up, not wanting to make a scene.  Everyone else at your table seems to be very happy with their food. So you eat.  That is what is expected of you.  Now….what does this have to do with my life?   I knew what I wanted out of life.  I knew how to “order” what I wanted.  After 20 plus years of trying to be happy with the food I ordered, I’m having a hard time keeping a smile on my face, just to keep the rest of the people at the table happy.  I married a man I love.  I know he loves me too, in his way.  We have 5 children and life has certainly had ups and downs.  Sometimes it feels like more downs then ups. 

I have started this blog, because I want and or need therapy.  I would like to connect with anyone who feels like they are in the same restaurant as I am. I have so much to share and many stories to send out, and would like to hear yours.  I am doing my best to keep my marriage together and wondering if it is worth it. I live in a land where everyone seems to be perfectly happy and I’m wondering what I’ve done wrong.  Perfect life, perfect body, perfect kids and perfect husband.  Me??? Not so much.  I’m a 40 something year old, who has a husband who has not been able to stay faithful, children who are not perfect and a body that does not want to cooperate.  

But, I want to make it work.  I want it so much I’m willing to eat a dry baked potato if that means I can have cheesecake at the end of the meal.  So really that is why I started this blog.  To know I’m not alone in this fight to make my family work, to make my husband smile again, and remember why we choose each other in the first place.  To raise happy, healthy and productive children.  I don’t want to just ‘put a smile on and eat’, I want to enjoy the meal as it goes down.